Submitted by someone who wished to remain anonymous:

RAPE TW I used to read a lot of Dan Savage. Being a bi woman with a strong sex-drive, I already had kinda fucked up views of what was “expected” of me in a relationship (hello internalized biphobia) But the thing that was most damaging to me was Dan Savage’s idea of “Good Giving and Game” which my partner at the time used to instill into me the idea that since I like some kinky things, I “owed” him other kinky things that he wanted to do.

and from that, he used it to justify forcing me to have anal. Basically what I’m saying is that Dan Savage was dangerous to me because his “sex positivity” doesn’t really leave room to say no. The most fucked up thing is that it’s really hard to tell people about my rapes because they weren’t really violent, I didn’t say no, but they were rapes nonetheless. This might not’ve been the right place to share my story but goddamn it I had to put it somewhere.

Anonymous said: Hey, I'm a female teen and I have an important question to ask. I have accepted for a long time that I'd be willing to date both male and females, but I'm not sure if I'd have sex with a female. I fluctuate between yes and no, and I'm really confused. Would I be considered "Bi-curious" or "Bi-sexual"?

You’re the only person who can determine your orientation, but I would like to point out that it’s possible to have differing romantic and sexual orientations!  You could, for example, be biromantic (able to be romantically love any gender) but heterosexual (only interested in having sex with a person of a different gender).  It sounds like right now you’re questioning, which is perfectly okay!  It can be hard to figure these things out sometimes.  Best of luck to you, anon!


Hey everyone! As you may know, Dan Savage recently gave a speech at the University of Chicago after being invited by the college to give a lecture on It Gets Better (for white cis men). During the speech, Dan Savage (in tandem with UChicago’s Institute of Politics) used transmisogynistic language.

Many trans students who had protested the event to begin with met with the IOP following the incident, but the college refused to apologize or prohibit transmisogynist slurs/lecturers from being featured in the future. These students created a petition to get the college’s attention, and prevent similar things from happening in the future.

Please help these students create a safer environment for DMAB trans students, and trans students of color by taking a moment to sign and boost

(via cavesofaltamira)


Well it’s funny to think about, you’ve got the gays marching for the right to be cocksucking homosexuals, and then you have the asexuals marching for the right to not do anything. Which is hilarious. Like, you didn’t need to march for that right. You just need to stay home, not do anything.  

- Dan Savage

I’ve been mulling over this comment, and the commentary of many other people, with regard to the inclusion of asexuality in queer and other support spaces for marginalized identities.

At first glance it strikes the average person as incredibly, well, reasonable.  It seems to make sense.  ”Why does there need to be an asexual section in the pride parade?  It’s not like anyone’s taking away their rights on the premise of their asexuality.”

And that’s true, from a legal standpoint.  Heteroromantic asexuals can still marry other heteroromantic asexuals - no judge will annul their marriage because of its lack of sexual contact or lack of children.  Their marriage is, in every legal sense, no less valid than that of heteroromantic sexuals.  And that’s nice.

But the crux of pride parades, the purpose of the LGBT movement, of feminism and of social justice in many respects, is not purely a legal crusade or a singular plea for ink-on-parchment legislative rights.  These movements also exist in an effort to initiate a shift in societal thought that will allow their proponents to exist without the threat of harm, without invalidation, and without the social stigmatization that comes from being who they are.  

If the expected lifestyle of our society were such that “staying at home, not doing anything” was our primary goal, there would be no problem with Dan Savage’s words.  Yet this flies in the face of fact and stands utterly contrary to our known realities.  Asexuality - neck-deep in a culture of expected monogamy, of centuries-old socially embedded narratives of human bonding, of the still-present stigmatization of “the spinster,” “the loner,” and “the virgin” - remains unacceptable, othered, and invalidated in a culture of hyper-sexuality.

We live in a society in which the human body (largely, the female body) is over-sexualized, and where the basic functional anatomy of a person is deemed inherently sexual.  By virtue of being human and possessing these components, we are assumed to have sexual drives linked to these body parts, and we are assumed to have latent desires to express this sexuality with another human being.  In moving through public spaces and by simply existing in the sight of another human being, we are conceived of as potentially sexual, and potentially available.

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The reason “It Gets Better” caught on with politicians and celebrities is because it’s great PR and it requires absolutely NOTHING from them in the way of real action.

someone on datalounge who I cannot quite disagree with (via aliapenny)

I just need that entire comment on my blog:

It’s just a bullshit PR campaign, nothing more. Telling kids to put up with bullying until they leave school is not constructive advice. It’s cruel. School boards, school administrators, teachers, etc., need to have zero tolerance policy for bullying. It’s not uncommon for teachers to bully unpopular kids themselves. That’s where the changes need to be made. But that requires action, and it requires standing up to conservatives who fight anti-bullying campaigns tooth and nail (often claiming that bullying gay people is a christian right). The reason “It Gets Better” caught on with politicians and celebrities is because it’s great PR and it requires absolutely NOTHING from them in the way of real action.

It’s cruelty to tell a kid to tolerate bullying. And to whom is this campaign even directed? The fat gay kids that Savage makes fun of himself? It’s a campaign aimed at good looking white boys with great bodies and upper middle class families. Yes, THEY will do better once they start hitting the gay bars. But for most average looking kids from working class families, they will find a gay community that’s often very much like High School, with cliques and teasing and rejection. Gay kids need to get support from society, and the kids that need that most are the kids that Savage himself would mock and demonize; kids of color, working class and poor kids, fat kids, kids with acne, and kids who are otherwise marginalized in society AND in our community.

Even when you look at the videos on YouTube, you see politicians who’ve come out against marriage equality, sports teams that would never accept a gay person in their ranks, and celebrities who just want some good press. The gay kids who participate are often great looking white boys, who you know will be accepted in the gay community, and are already leading charmed lives. It’s a campaign for the people Savage likes…sexy white male teenagers with athletic bodies who will be greeted with open arms.

I’ll take the campaign seriously when Savage speaks out on behalf of marginalized gay kids, and criticizes the gay community for its racism and other prejudices. But he’s the biggest bigot and bully of the bunch, and that’s been proven from his many years as a “columnist.” I often couldn’t believe how conservative, prejudiced, and intolerant he was in those columns.”

(via davyjonesing)

Also trans people. 

Dan Savage doesn’t care about the T, and he’s been actively, grossly cissexist on many distinct occasions. 

(via misterstibbons)

Not to mention asexuals, women, lower-class people, etc.
Let’s face it kids, Dan Savage is the most hypocritical douchebag in the queer rights movement.

But yes I agree with everything that has been posted above. 

(via daelhorhota)

don’t forget that he thinks bisexuals in general need to “make up their mind” and that male bisexuals are essentially unicorns

(via freakingdork)

I once had an extended argument over when he was glitter-bombed because he’s a huge hypocritical transphobe. You can’t claim to be a trans* ally and then hurl transphobic slurs at your enemies. There’s no complicit-by-ignorance-and-stupidity argument to be made there - that’s just straight up transphobia. He is not an ‘activist.’ He is making a great living by essentially capitalizing on the intersection of his hegemonic identities and a burgeoning pinkwashed economy.

(via trungles)

liking all the commentary here, and yeah that’s always bugged me about the “it gets better” campaign; it should be made better for kids NOW, not just waiting for them to get older and for their life to stop sucking

(via pentapod-monster)

savage doesnt give a shit about #rape victims either oohh tss….

(via peppersongg)

I think we all agree that dan savage is a stinky, puckered asshole.

(via ecseas13)

Agree with everything mentioned, and adding more links

General list


Transmisogyny and whorephobia

This old but still equally disgusting bit of transmisogyny and repeated misgendering of a trans woman

YFIP page w/ a fuckload of links

Another page o his general shittiness

A really racist comment

(I’ve probably doubled up on some links but w/e)

And this is just from like, the first page of google. I also wanna mention that he has a penchant to call other gay/lesbian people f*gs and d*kes which is never ok, unless the person has explicitly said that’s an ok term to use cor them.

(via evelark)

(via )

Anonymous said: One thing I really, really hate about this guy is his complete disrespect for Religion and disregard of people who are religious as intelligent people. By his logic, if you say you're Christian/Muslim/Jewish/whatever else, you're clearly ignorant and lack the mental capacity to understand the world in any way shape or form. I've been raised Catholic but I'm bisexual, my very religious dad accepts me for it, my great aunt who is even more religious than my dad is a lesbian! Religion =/= ignorance

Yes, and there are plenty of homophobic atheists, too.  Religion may, perhaps, motivate the more extreme homophobes, but otherwise, it seems to have little influence on homophobia.  I wouldn’t even say that its origin is religion.  It seems more like the handful of verses referencing it were a convenient argument.  Its origin, rather, seems to me to be more in gender-policing than anything else. Historically, it seems to be strongest when gender roles are challenged in society.


wow, I never realized quite how horrible Dan Savage is, with friends like these…

Anonymous said: Hi! I was going through your blog(and thanks for all your work btw) and saw your answer to an ask where you said aces who cis and heteroromantic should be a bit careful when using the term queer and i was wondering if you consider the same for cis aromantics? Cause I'm one and i don't really know if i fall into the queer spectrum...

You know, that’s actually a complicated question and something I have to think about.


"Fuck No, Dan Savage" was created to showcase the cissexist, sexist, anti-asexual, anti-bisexual, classist, racist, sizeist, and ableist douchebaggery of Dan Savage, of "It Gets Better" (for privileged queers only) fame.

It's currently moderated by Kerry (basicallykerry), Christy (sciencefangirl), Phineas (expectedly) and Em (epiphenomenon).

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