dan savage is the person who founded the It Gets Better campaign, and is also reknowned for his “Savage Love” advice column that deals with sex, sexuality, love, and whatever other freaky stuff readers write in about
and he’s like, totally all about GSM rights, y’all!
as long as you’re a white cis homosexual male, anyway.
oh, and don’t be fat. being fat is sooooooo gross.
there’s this lovely incident where he tells a reader who indentifies as “minimally sexual” (somewhere between the spectrum of asexual and heterosexual) and all minimally sexual and asexual everywhere to stop “inflicting themselves” upon “normally sexual” people.
With all the minimally sexuals out there making normally sexuals miserable, NSNA, it should be obvious to all regular readers that there’s not exactly a shortage of people who aren’t interested in sex. With that being the case, why would you even contemplate inflicting yourself on a normally sexual person? Why not go find another minimally sexual person? You’ll be doing your minimally sexual self a favor, you’ll be doing your future minimally sexual partner a favor, and you’ll be doing all normally sexual persons everywhere a favor by removing two minimals—you and your future partner—from the dating pool.
what a fucking asshole
in the same column, talking to a woman who recently came out as queer, he refers to her tactic of telling a bisexual friend she doesn’t want to pursue a relationship because she’s still unstable from the coming-out process as “a baby-dyke variation on “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.”“
“baby-dyke” lmao okay asshole
we also have this awesome incident where a woman writes in about how her once-gay-ex-husband-now-transexual-ex-wife has gone through a series of events in her life - first, coming out as gay, and then being diagnosed with HIV, and now declaring that she is undergoing hormone treatment and preparing for surgery to become a woman. this is having a negative impact on their 15yo son, and the mother writes in, concerned.
savage’s response? he repeatedly refers to her ex as a tranny and as a man, and just shows very little regard for the whole situation in general.
Divorced parents, gay dad, the HIV bombshell… and now, so suddenly, a woman. That’s an awful lot for a high-school-age kid, especially a boy, to deal with. The tranny activists are going to jump down my throat for this, but… it seems to me that your ex could’ve put off the sex change until after his son was out of high school. One of the things parents are supposed to do is make sacrifices, big and small, for the sake of their children. And while I think people have a right to do pretty much as they please (and parents are people), I also believe that children have a right to some stability and constancy from the adults in their lives. Perhaps I’m a transphobic bigot, but I honestly think waiting a measly 36 months to cut your dick is a sacrifice any father should be willing to make for his 15-year-old son. Call me old-fashioned.
Unfortunately, your ex wasn’t willing to make that sacrifice (selfish tranny!), or it never occurred to him to make that sacrifice (stupid tranny!).
what a fucking piece of work
(same article, he also states that sexually dominant women are rare… okay :/ he must have poor google skills)
he basically says no one should date bisexual people because they’re all sleazy heartbreakers:
I’m not saying bi guys are bad people, or they don’t make great one-night stands. Bushes, bathhouses, and sleazy gay bars are crawling with bi guys. But if a guy wants more, he’ll have an easier time getting it from another gay man.
Judging from my mail, Andrew, when a gay guy or a straight girl gets involved with a bi guy, someone always winds up getting hurt. And guess what? It’s rarely the bi guy. So while I wish the rules and the risks were the same for everyone, it seems that in this instance they’re not.
No, there are definitely some people who should fool around with bisexual men: OTHER BISEXUAL MEN! Jesus Christ, bisexuals — if straights and gays treat you unfairly, then why not turn to each other for love and comfort? Judging from my mail of late, there’s an unlimited supply of easily offended, extremely verbose, highly ethical bisexuals out there looking for love. Fuck each other!
REMEMBER KIDS, ONLY EVER PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR OWN KIND! DON’T CROSS THE STREAMS! DON’T DIRTY THE BLOODLINES!
one of his crowning moments of sheer asshatery, where a rape survivor writes in with concerns about a previous article.
he starts off okay:
I’m extremely sorry that you were raped, DRARS,
but then it just gets
so much worse
although your baseless accusations of rape make me doubt your claim to be a survivor of rape. The feminist bloggers are going to accuse me of thought crimes: If a woman says she was raped then, by God, she was raped. (Tell it to the lacrosse team.) If this is a thought crime, well, I plead entrapment: I wouldn’t have had these illegal thoughts if you hadn’t sent me such a stupid letter in the first place.
so basically “sorry you got raped but lol i don’t believe you really did and now i’m going to mock you”
the letter she was expressing concern about was a man who has a sexual fetish for fucking a woman while she’s asleep. his wife consented while awake, but in her sleep, she “whimpers, turns away, and otherwise makes herself inaccessible”. if that isn’t her body clearly unconsciously expressing that it does not comfortable with those sexual advances, i don’t know what is.
savage gave the man the advice to drug his wife so she would be more prone while sleeping. he then states, “I’d be willing to pop a sleeping pill now and then to keep my boyfriend happy, so why not Ambien?”
because how he thinks and feels and would act is the blueprint of how everyone should, clearly!
he finishes it off beautifully.
I hereby withdraw my consent for you to read Savage Love. If you continue to read my column against my will, well, we all know what word to apply to your actions.
who let this man near an equality movement?
he continues to show stunning disregard for asexuality when he apparently disparages the sexuality on a podcast (that i refuse to listen to - his grating, pompous voice dripping with crass superiority gives me a headache), and receives this letter from an asexual woman who only discovered that asexuality even existed several months into a relationship, explaining her asexuality, and was completely open with her boyfriend about it. she was fully expecting to get dumped, but her boyfriend was very understanding and they’d been together three years as of the sending of the email.
in savage’s response, he says the only possible way any man could ever love her and want to pursue a relationship with her is if they were “either a fool or a fag”.
Reblogging as a separate post per the OP’s request
fyhilaire asked: Am I the only person in the world who finds the term "cisgender" slightly offensive? It seems to be used more and more frequently to dismiss "cisgendered" people's point of view and almost as an insult....
You are hardly unique in calling that word an insult. This topic has been discussed over and over again in other fora.
This post from 2009 is a good take-down of the “cisgender is an insult” meme.
I believe the people having a problem with the word are wallowing in unacknowledged cisgender privilege. They are taken aback that there is a trans community term coined by trans people to describe them.
That throws them for a loop and they get upset because in their minds, they are the ‘normal’ people and as such, are the only people who get to define ‘others’, not the other way around.
Cisgender is a neutral term that doesn’t have the negative accumulated baggage of being used to ‘other’ or used as a rallying cry by the Forces of Intolerance to oppress someone’s human rights rights like trans has.
There are no people being made the butt of societal jokes because they are cisgender. There’s no ‘cisgender panic defense’. There’s no one being denied a job because they are cisgender. There’s no one being killed because of folks hating on you for being cisgender. There’s no Cisgender Day Of Remembrance.
If we’re going to make the point that being transgender is an everyday biological/medical/social condition, we had to have some word in the vocabulary that describes most of the people walking Planet Earth who are not trans.
It’s the same concept that underpins why gay people call non-gays ‘straight’.
As for “dismissing people’s point of view”, that’s simply pointing out that cis people cannot have the same experiences and the same understanding of trans issues as trans people who have actually lived those experiences. ~ Christy
Dan Savage is a bully, a hypocrite, and CERTAINLY not someone to be hailed as a hero.
Woah, when did he say that? I’m not denying he did, but, wtf? D:
That’s what he said about ace people. He’s also said a lot of shitty things about bisexuals (e.g. here) and trans* folks (some on that here and here) and others in the community. He’s also said a lot of racist shit (he repeatedly blamed POC for the passage of Prop 8 in California), he’s said fat shaming things, and when people asked him to stop using “retarded” in a derogatory way, he made a joke of it. So much for being against bullying.
He’s generally just a really shitty person, imo.
Finally, a post from the-unpopular-opinions that I actually agree with.
No, fuck you, Dan Savage. The It Gets Better program aims to convince kids that someday they will find a community that will love and support them for who they are. It does NOT attempt to force them out of the closet - or blame them for being whiny when they feel too uncomfortable to come out.
You know, I’m pretty sure that judging a group of people without a full spectrum of input is the definition of “doing it wrong.”
And for that matter, this whole issue of The Stranger is a bunch of missed points. (HRC is “doing it wrong” because they were ineffective at passing a bill, and not because they removed trans-inclusive language from the bill in order to make it “easier to pass”? Really?))
I swear I had a good time at Pride today. This issue just made me rage, especially after seeing zero bi representation all day.
but in light of the recent celebration of him as a Wonderful Activist (due to his receiving some award or other), I believe it’s important to call him out on his various isms. I’ve actually seen someone say that no-one deserved that award as much as Savage did, and well, that’s just plain wrong.
I do recognise the good things he’s done. Apparently he often gives good advice in his column — I wouldn’t know, I’m not a regular reader — and, despite its shortcomings, It Gets Better has given hope to some people who were in need of it. However, these things do not give Savage immunity to criticism, and in fact make it all the more important to bring attention to his objectionable comments and attitudes, given his recent publicity or even celebrity.
Dan Savage is often presented as a speaker for the entire alphabetsmoosh, even though many people would strongly prefer him not to attempt to represent them. Being asexual, I’d like Savage never to mention asexuality again, given his terrible comments (1, 2) about it in his column. And then there are his extremely cissexist comments, which also make him a terrible representative for the T in LGBTQ (or G in GSM). And then there are monosexist, racist and ableist quotes from him… In reality, Dan Savage doesn’t represent me or most of my queer friends, but only people like him: white, reasonably affluent gay cis men (sorry for stealing your wording there, Charles).
I don’t hate Savage. I don’t believe that his many, many offensive comments negate the positive things he’s done. But at the same time, I don’t think his good intentions give him a free pass to continue saying questionable things or to continue to be representative for the people he insults or dismisses. And you know what the worst thing about this is? That I’ve never seen him apologise and acknowledge that what he said was wrong. Sure, the second anti-ace post I’ve linked has an “I’m sorry I offended you”, but then this is almost immediately negated by his further comments, and not once does he in any way admit that his previous remarks on asexuality may have been wrong.
I don’t hate Savage, but I hate that I’m apparently supposed to overlook his repeated insults against my identity because he once told me that life isn’t always gonna suck. (Except that I have mental problems that — surprise! — won’t just go away, so it’s not going to get that much better for me… but I guess the target audience of his project were neurotypical people.) I don’t hate Savage, but I hate that according to some people bringing attention to his misdeeds makes me a negative Nancy who can’t appreciate a well-intentioned campaign. I don’t hate Savage, but I hate that he’s deemed worthy of awards for his activist work.
And now I’m going to shut up about him for a while because I feel pretty burnt out by this whole ordeal.
I have decided to gather some choice quotes made by Dan Savage. My extensive research consisted of googling “Dan Savage transphobia”.
You might want to stop reading here if you are having a very dysphoric day, or have met your transphobic bullshit quota for the day.
1) Column: Bad Tranny.
Dan Savage responds to a single parent who recently found out their ex partner is a transwoman. His use of the word tranny is only the tip of the iceberg.
- The tranny activists are going to jump down my throat for this, but… it seems to me that your ex could’ve put off the sex change until after his son was out of high school.
- Perhaps I’m a transphobic bigot, but I honestly think waiting a measly 36 months to cut your dick is a sacrifice any father should be willing to make for his 15-year-old son. Call me old-fashioned.
- Unfortunately, your ex wasn’t willing to make that sacrifice (selfish tranny!), or it never occurred to him to make that sacrifice (stupid tranny!).
- I hope that in the long run your son eventually accepts his dad/mom/whatever and forgives his dad/ mom/whatever for being imperfect
- When your son is an adult, he’ll hopefully be able to forgive his dad/mom/whatever for his selfish decision to run off and have a sex-change operation …
2) Column: Deep Love.
Dan Savage responds to a man who had sex with a transwoman prostitute.
- “…going down on a shemale escort shores up your heterosexual bona fides. Gay guys don’t frequent and/or fellate shemale escorts (on purpose or by accident); getting with shemales is an entirely straight-male pursuit.”
- Of course you aren’t totally straight—try thinking of yourself as something more than straight, not less—but you’re close enough that you can round yourself down to straight with a clear conscience. (Offer void the day you start blowing hemale escorts.)
Dan Savage falsely labels Washington State Attorney Rob McKenna as a transgender man as a “joke”. No evidence exists of Rob McKenna being transgender.
- It’s staggering that Rob McKenna, a female-to-male transsexual, is making it harder for other FTMs (and MTFs) to access the life savng sex-reassignment surgery that allowed Rob to become the man he is today. Rob had the resources to finance his own sex-reassigment surgery—presumably—but that doesn’t excuse Rob’s cruel disregard for his low-income transgendered brothers and sisters or his making common cause with anti-trans bigots in states like Virginia and Mississippi.
At the bottom of the page Dan Savage writes
- This is a joke, obviously. Rob McKenna is not transgender. Follow the link for more.
A joke? Really? After getting called out for this insulting bullshit Savage writes this in a later article about a trans student:
(Oh, and folks who want me to apologize for this: Okay, I will—after we raise at least 2K for Juin and his family. Otherwise, meh, I’ll just keep hating on trans people like the raging anti-trans beegoat that I am.)
Okay. I think that is all the research I am willing to do for now. I can only wade through so much bullshit in a day. I might add to this later if I find more examples of Savage’s transphobia.
Since so many of us keep writing about what a piece of shit Dan Savage is, I felt like bringing in some of his “lovely” quotes would be nice. Words cannot describe how much I hate that man. Quite frankly, I hate him more than Fred Phelps — at least Fred acknowledges that he hates us.